The Black-Belt Move in Life: Letting Go of Control
I want to let go, but let’s be honest—letting go feels like stepping into fire. My ego doesn’t make it easy. It wants to win every battle, to be right, to dominate. My ego demands that my husband, my kids, and everyone else obey my way of thinking.
But what’s the cost of always needing to win? I’ve learned that it’s loneliness. Every time I insist on controlling the narrative, I end up isolated—trapped in a corner of my own making. And the question that haunts me is: Where does this need to control come from?
Here’s what I’ve discovered: The need for control stems from a basic human desire—emotional safety. If I control how others think, I believe I can control how they behave. And if I control their behavior, I feel safe. Safe from betrayal. Safe from harm. Safe from heartbreak.
Protecting the Heart: The Black-Belt Move
Let’s face it, the stakes are high. When we open our hearts to someone and feel betrayed, it’s devastating. A broken heart isn’t just a figure of speech—it can feel like a matter of survival. So, it makes sense that my mind, like a protective guard, insists on controlling the environment. It’s trying to shield my heart from shattering again.
But here’s the problem: this constant need for control is draining. It’s like trying to win every match in jiujitsu by sheer force—exhausting and ultimately unsustainable. That’s where the black-belt move comes in.
In martial arts, the black-belt move is knowing when to conserve your energy. Sometimes, the best strategy isn’t to fight harder but to step back, redirect energy, and let the opponent’s momentum work for you.
Life works the same way. The black-belt move in life is learning when to speak and when to stay silent.
The Power of Silence
When someone shares their thoughts, my ego immediately jumps in, ready to argue, explain, or defend. But here’s the truth: most of the time, people aren’t looking for a debate. They’re simply expressing themselves. My assumption that I need to respond is just that—an assumption.
What happens when I choose silence instead? Silence creates space. It’s not a retreat; it’s a strategy. It gives the other person room to clarify their ideas, to feel safe enough to open up. It also saves me ...saves my energy, my peace, and my presence.
Freedom From Control
My ego tells me that controlling others will protect me. But the deeper truth is that no one else’s thoughts or opinions can change who I am—unless I allow it. Letting go of control isn’t about giving up; it’s about taking back my power.
And how do I do that? I let them. Let them think what they want. Let them say what they will. Because their thoughts don’t define me, and their words can’t harm me unless I agree to let them in.
So practically, what does this look like? It means learning the art of saying less—or even nothing at all. I call it shutting the mouth dojo. The ultimate black-belt technique isn’t a clever comeback; it’s the ability to hold space with grace.
A New Intention: Mastery Through Silence
Today, I set an intention to master the art of silence. I’ll pause before I speak, question whether my words are necessary, and recognize when silence is the stronger choice. Like a black-belt in jiujitsu, I will conserve my energy, choose my moments, and act with intention.
And maybe, just maybe, silence has its own fragrance—a scent of peace and paradise.
Inshallah, this practice will bring me closer to living with joy, connection, and mastery.
Asalam Aleyküm. 🌸
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